I know you are but what am I.

I’m rubber, your glue…

You bet I got a few lines to throw their way they want to talk smack to me.

inmate: complaint about anything
me: Well, you shouldn’t come to prison then.

INMATE: I’m gonna make your life hell today

ME: Why you f*****g with me when I’m at work , do I come down to the bus station and slap the d***s out of your mouth while you’re working ?
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INMATE: Yo suck my d**k !
ME: If you got a d**k you better spit it out it don’t belong to you.

Inmate: F*** You, you p*$$y a$$ cracker!
me: You wouldn’t like it…it’d make your mouth sore.

Inmate: c/o i aint no inmate i’m a convict
me: i ain’t no c/o i’m a prison guard

inmate: you dont know me, this ain’t my first number
me: wow you’re thee coolest inmate ever! i can’t wait to go home and tell my friends and family how cool you are!

inmate: you’re lucky i’m not doin life cause i got Hep C and would spit on you!
me: read previous “me” comeback

Inmate: You can’t treat me like this, I’m a taxpayer!

Me: I’ve been meaning to talk to you, when am I getting my raise?

Inmate: I’m not scared of you!

Me: You don’t have to be scared to get your ass whipped!

Inmate: You’re prejudice!
Me: I know, I can’t stand stupid.

Inmate: You are racist against me.
Me: No. I’m not. I hate every inmate equally.

When a new inmate asks an honest question I give him an honest answer. Sometimes the questions do get old, but I try to remember that the new guys honestly don’t know how things are done here and I’ll answer accordingly. Yet sometimes I’m innundated with stupidity, especially when giving the same response to the same question from the same inmate over and over.

Stuff like:

Inmate: You can’t make me (whatever)
Me: Your cooperation is appreciated but it isn’t necessary.

Inmate: Man, you need to do your J-O-B.
Me: I am. You’re still here, ain’t you?

Inmate: Hey CO I need a favor.
Me: I don’t do favors… but I do occasionally grant requests. What do you want?

Inmate: Hey CO can I ask you a question?
Me: You just did.
Inmate: Oh…. well, can I ask another one?
Me: You just did.

Inmate: Why aren’t you doing important instead of messing with this piddly little stuff that I have?
Me: Well, honestly, I ain’t that good at this job.

Anyone care to add some?